6 months on…

Its 6 months today, to the day… 6 months since our lives were irreparably changed. 

In some ways, I can’t recall life before the accident. Life on my legs with the ability to come and go as I pleased. I am used to this new version of normal and I don’t resent it. But on days like today Sundays especially ‐ my heart feels heavier than it did before. Heavier and sadder. I miss my people. My Clint and My Jess. 

I miss Jess’s body and how full of life she was. I miss having her in my arms and watching her walk usually in a pair of my heels and with her “class” in tow. She spent hours calling each child by name and teaching them really important things each day. She was strict and took no-nonsense. I miss her little arms wrapping around my legs in the morning ‐ while she was still warm and wrinkled from bed. She needed a cuddle before she was prepared to start her day. I miss her enthusiasm and her passion and her frustration. All of these contributed to who she was. 

I see Jess these days in the free things that fly. In the birds and the butterflies. I feel her on the days when I belly laugh with a friend. She is in those joyful moments. And I know she is ok.

 I wish that my time with Clint could have been longer. I miss his face and him being always in my corner. The things he taught me pop often into my head. While contemplating writing today, I remembered him saying “Just Do it”. And that is how he lived. He got things done. He made things happen. He believed in people until they learnt to believe in themselves. He loved fiercely and without reservation. He lived to be of service to others. I miss us just being. He helped me to see that I am enough ‐ just because I am. And I know that if he was here, he would have been encouraging me every step of the way, telling me I’m beautiful while I adjusted to this fractured body of mine. 

He also would have told me to get on with living! And to live life to the full.

Today I choose life. And I choose to live it fully. I choose to be me. To love and accept myself as I am and to see my great worth. Worth which is not based on how I look or what I have or how ‘healed’ I am. It is inherent worth. And we all have it. I choose to value my friends and family greatly. This experience has shown me how well-loved l am and how powerful the human connection is. I choose to be real. And to be vigilantly honest. I don’t want to pretend or hide in any way. I choose to ask for help when I need it and to stop being so bloody self-reliant! 

 I choose to find gratitude in the small things. And to express that gratitude. It’s not enough to think great things about other people. I choose to thank people for their time and for their contribution to my life. 

There is a great purpose for each one of our lives. Today I choose to find and fulfill mine.